Self-Help Not Working? Ask Yourself These Questions
Introduction
The path to self-help is not always easy and it can be downright frustrating if you’re not making progress. But if you find that your efforts aren’t working, perhaps it’s time to check in with yourself. Are you applying the information? Are your sabotaging yourself? Have you checked to see if your self-talk is negatively impacting your self-help efforts? Do you have a “but” inside that’s stopping you from moving forward? Am I procrastinating? Am I resistant to change? The answer to all these questions can help you dig into what might be keeping you stuck.
Are you applying the information?
Are you applying the information?
When you read a self-help book or listen to a podcast, it’s easy to feel like you’re on your way toward mental freedom. But that feeling doesn’t last forever—and if it does, it’s probably because you’ve started taking measures to apply what you’ve been learning.
Have you applied the information?
If not, ask yourself why that is and what can be done about it. If yes, ask yourself how consistently and consistently (emphasis on consistent) have I applied these ideas so far? And if yes again, ask yourself how many times have I applied these ideas over time (again with emphasis on time).
Are you sabotaging yourself?
There are two types of self-sabotage:
- The first type is obvious, where you choose to do something that stops you from getting what you want and then go ahead and do it anyway. This could be as simple as eating too much junk food or spending too much money on something unnecessary, or it could be more complex, like when someone breaks up with their partner because they don’t want to deal with being lonely, even though being alone will force them to make friends.
- The second type is less obvious—it’s when your actions aren’t doing anything to hurt yourself, but there’s some part of yourself that keeps stopping you from moving forward in life despite not really having any good reason for doing so (like if someone wants to go backpacking across Europe but can’t because they feel guilty about leaving their family).
Have you checked to see if your self-talk is negatively impacting your self-help efforts?
Self-talk is that voice in your head. It’s the voice of your self, and it can be positive or negative. If you have a negative self-narrative going on in your head, it may be time to check in with a mental health professional.
If you find yourself having thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never accomplish my goals,” these could be signs of depression or anxiety. And if these thoughts are persistent, they could mean that you’re dealing with low self-esteem issues.
If this sounds like something that might apply to you, consider starting therapy or checking out some books about how to improve your self-esteem for more information about how this kind of thinking affects our lives and how we can work through them effectively (and hopefully permanently).
Do you have a “but” inside that’s stopping you from moving forward?
Do you have a “but” inside that’s stopping you from moving forward?
A “but” is one of the most common negative self-talk patterns. This type of thinking often sounds like:
- I need to lose weight, but my life is busy and complicated.
- I should call my mother more often, but she doesn’t care about me anyway.
- My job sucks, but it pays well and provides benefits for my family so I better not complain about it at work because people will think I’m ungrateful!
The good news is that once we recognize this type of thinking as negative self-talk, we can take steps to stop using it in our lives so we’re less likely to use excuses when trying new things or making positive changes in our life (e.g., improving health).
Am I procrastinating?
If you’re struggling to follow through on your self-help goals, it could be that you’re procrastinating. Procrastination is the act of postponing or delaying an intended task, typically until a later time. It’s not just about putting off doing something that’s due tomorrow—procrastination can happen when you start working on something and then can’t seem to get started again.
Some people have trouble taking action because they have low self-confidence or are afraid of failure; others are perfectionists who feel they need more knowledge or skill before starting a project. Whatever the reason for your procrastination, there are some things you can do to break out of this negative cycle and get back on track with your self-help goals.
Am I resistant to change?
If you’re having trouble getting started or making progress, don’t be too quick to blame the method. Instead, take a closer look at the reasons why you may not be ready for change.
Are You Reluctant to Change?
- Are you afraid of failing and how others will react?
- Do you fear losing control over something important in your life?
- Do you feel that changing might make things worse instead of better?
If so, these are all valid reasons to resist change (and prevent self-help from working). But they can also serve as motivators for taking action: when we are motivated by fear—rather than desire—we take action more quickly and with more intensity.
The answer to all these questions can help you find what is keeping you from making progress.
Self-help can be difficult, but there are things you can do to help yourself. Self-help requires that you be honest with yourself and willing to change your behavior. You might also need to try new things or go back to the drawing board for a bit, but whatever it takes is worth doing if it means finding success in your goals. The answers to these questions will help you find what is keeping you from making progress:
- Where have I been successful?
- What have I learned from past challenges?
- What areas am I struggling with right now?
Conclusion
By asking these questions, you can start to uncover the reasons why your self-help efforts aren’t working. Once you figure out what’s holding you back, then it’ll be much easier for you to move forward with making changes. And remember: there is no right or wrong answers when it comes to self-help!
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